Changing Our Minds: The Power of Real-Life Connection
Maybe Steve-O isn't always a Jack*ss.
Did you hear the latest news about Steve-O from the show Jackass? The tl/dr (too long/didn’t read) version of what happened is that Steve-O planned to undergo breast augmentation surgery and have his body hair removed in the hopes of pranking dudes into thinking he was a woman.
One article I read said he was even hoping he might get beat up as part of the stunt, because that always makes for good laughs. (Side quest— how does this man get health insurance nowadays?!)
But then, while checking out at a supermarket, Steve-O realized his cashier was trans and asked if he could run the idea for the stunt by them. Within one convo, one cashier sharing their story, the stunt was cancelled. That’s all it took.
What In the Name of Magical Words Was That?!
What were the magical words that the cashier said that cancelled a surgery Steve-O has been talking about for approximately 20 years?
The cashier shared their lived experience. They shared that this is the exact kind of stuff that stokes anti-trans hatred. They shared that they can’t even use the bathroom at their place of employment. Their life was not a joke or a prank. Their existence was at risk and this stunt would bring zero help and a strong possibility of more hurt.
Steve-O really would be a jackass if he proceeded.
Thank goodness he didn’t. In fact, he said the cashier’s story had a “profound impact” on him and he shared it on his social media platform and with news outlets. He has turned it into an opportunity for education. The reception was mixed.
Many praised Steve-O for being a good guy and doing the right thing by not bringing harm to an already at-risk group. Trans folks are already four times more likely to be victims of violent crime than cisgender folks. In 2024, there are more than 650 anti-trans bills that have been proposed for a population that comprises less than 2% of the population. Because, why solve actual problems that impact American lives.
But, back to Steven O…
Not Everybody’s On Board
Not everyone was happy about his public declaration of mind-changing. In fact, some folks were downright mad that it took a trans person sharing their lived experience in order for him to realize that what he was doing was maybe no bueno.
Some people were made that he didn’t educate himself on the current struggles of trans Americans to come to that conclusion himself. Some were upset that he made the trans person do the work to educate him. (Because that too can be absolutely exhausting). They wanted him to be different. They wanted him to be better.
That’s just not how it happened.
A Sliding Doors Kind of Moment
I was one of the worst Blockbuster employee who ever existed. I rarely watch movies. I 100% didn’t see Sliding Doors. I did surmise from the 8,279 I saw the trailer on loop that it was most likely about how much a life could be changed simply by making the train on time or having the doors close on you.
I feel like this Steve-O incident was one of those sliding doors moment. He could have not gone to that grocery store or not at that time. He could have chosen a different lane to check out. The trans person could have been “passing”, meaning that Steve-O may have never realized they were trans.
He could have not asked for feedback. The cashier could have told him to “fuck off” (but in a polite corporate cashier kind of way).
Instead they were both willing to have the conversation and Steve-O’s mind was changed for the better. Thank goodness for that!
The Slow & Steady Approach to Being a Better Human
Connecting with other people and sharing our stories, one by one, may not be the most efficient way to bring about greater empathy and kindness for each other— but it may be one of the most effective.
I was frolicking down a Google rabbit hole for an upcoming story about National Coming Out Day, which is on October 11, and I became curious as to how people in the US changed their minds around same-sex marriage. Turns out Pew Research had the same curiosity back in 2012.
Turns out that people didn’t change their view primarily because their moral compass had shifted. And they didn’t change their stance because suddenly it felt like government overreach to have laws around who you were allowed to commit your life to as consenting adults.
By no great surprise, the majority of people who had changed their view to one that supported the right for same-sex couple to get married did so because they knew someone who was queer.
Suddenly same-sex marriage didn’t seem so scary once people realized that gay couples were just like straight couples— with the same desire to fall in love, register at Target for a Kitchenaid mixer, and then fight over how the other one sucks at loading the dishwasher for the rest of their lives.
Moral of the Steve-O Story
I think there’s a lot we can gain from the Steve-O story. We’re in a time of great conflict and divide in the US right now. I can say with little doubt that people on both sides of the aisle are scared— with some of that fear based on actual fear and some based on perceived fear.
Fear is an awful state to be in if you’re trying to have a meaningful conversation with someone, particularly if that person belongs to a group that you fear (ex. immigrants, black people, people with disabilities, Christians, queer people, elderly, bowling leagues, etc). If you feel unsafe or under attack, the conversation becomes unproductive. If you enter the conversation with no actual desire to learn, then why start the conversation in the first place?
Fortunately Steve-O and the cashier felt safe and curious enough to let a real conversation happen.
Yes, it’s ideal to do your own research first to understand where others are coming from. And yes, you should not expect all representatives of a group to be open or willing to educate you just because you’ve decided you’re ready to be curious. (Because, and I repeat, it’s exhausting).
Don’t let those be barriers to becoming better. Where do you have blindspots? Whose story do you need to hear today?
I'm grateful that the cashier in the story was willing to be honest and discuss her experiences with a relative stranger. I hate all of these Mama Bears memes which essentially seek to train the cis community to treat trans people differently than they would treat any other adult, to tiptoe around us, ignoring the pink elephant in the room. I want to express myself on matters relating to my life the same as any other adult, ESPECIALLY when it comes to trans-related topics. It's like Harvey Milk said nearly fifty years ago--"How can people change their minds about us if they don't know who we are?"
On other words, I also give Steve-O credit for having the courage, not just to change his mind about the stunt, and not only to actually ask a trans woman for her opinion as a trans woman, but to accept her response to his question as the valid, intelligent, and heartfelt opinion of an adult human being. It may not seem like much, but trust me: to be trans in Florida often seems as though I am but a spectator in the fight over my own rights.
Oh, and nobody asked me, but...personally, I don't see much distinction between Steve-O's planned stunt and a drag pageant: it's entertainment primarily created by cis men, intended for a cis audience, and rooted in ridicule of women. (I really hope I live long enough to see drag go the way of Chief Wahoo.)