When Are You Allowed To Call Yourself A Writer?
And how your gender identity may play a role
TLDR: Being a “real” writer or author has nothing to do with your official credentials and everything to do with getting your work into the world. Your gender may play a role in when and how you take on that title. If you need help, scroll to the bottom.
Fun fact: It took me a ridiculously long time to accept my label as “writer.” I definitely didn’t adopt it even with a decade of copywriting for businesses under my belt. I couldn’t call myself a writer when I started my Queer Abby blog with hundreds of readers that eventually morphed into this Substack. Even holding my own book baby, Perfectly Queer, in my hands, seeing my name across the cover in bold lettering and my headshot on the back, I struggled to accept the label of writer or author.
I know. Ridiculous, right?
But it’s a recurring theme that I’ve noticed in my life and now with many other authors that I ghostwrite for. When do we cross that threshold? When are we allowed to label ourselves in a role?
What I find even more curious is that nobody… I repeat NOBODY… ever told me that I wasn’t a writer. Not a single reader, not Good Morning America when they picked my book, not a rando on TikTok, not even a disgruntled family member. I have had approximately zero, give or take zero, experiences of being told that I wasn’t really a writer. I imagine the same is true for many others. So what is it that fuels these stories?
A Label Without a Clear Definition
I love my work as a professional ghostwriter and book doctor. I get to work with the most incredible business leaders, wellness professionals, and all-around fascinating humans to help bring their stories into the world. Whether they’ve been at the head of major companies, have thousands to millions of followers across social media, or have left some other profound mark on our world, there is one phrase that I hear at the beginning of some of these work contracts: “Well, I’m not really a writer.”
My followup is generally to ask, “What would you have to do in your life to be considered a writer?”
Sometimes they mentioned a college degree in writing (which I don’t have). Sometimes they say it’s because they’ve always had the dream but have never devoted enough time to writing (I didn’t either until I made the choice to). Most often the answer, though, is “I don’t really know!”
The reality is that the label of “writer” has a nonexistent line that some people feel they need to cross.
I ask, “Do you consider Wayne Dyer, who published 34 books, a writer?”
They often respond, “Sure!”
Wayne’s degrees were in History and Philosophy, Psychology, and Guidance and Counseling. His career started as a high school guidance counselor. He became a writer because he made the choice to write.
This list can go on and on with many other well-known authors:
Ernest Hemingway was a high school graduate who went on to report for a local newspaper.
Virginia Woolf was not allowed to attend college, so she wrote a newspaper for her family and eventually found her way into literary circles.
Don Miguel Ruiz of The Four Agreements attended medical school and was a surgeon before having a near death experience.
Maya Angelou graduated high school with a focus on dance and drama classes.
Deepak Chopra was an endocrinology physician.
Danielle Steel studied fashion design.
I could keep going, but you get the point. Many people we consider to be not only “writers” but some of the greatest or best selling authors of our time do not have a professional background in writing. I wonder if any of them ever asked themselves, “Who am I to share my story?”
Is There A Gender Issue at Play?
Anecdotally, I have noticed amongst my clients that gender plays a difference as to whether I am working with someone who believes themselves to be a writer, but wants to enhance the quality of their work, versus someone who does not consider themselves a writer and that’s why they’ve partnered with me.
Hearing, “I’m not really a writer,” almost exclusively comes from women.
While I think there is a whole lot to unpack around that, one lightbulb moment for me came from a comment on a TikTok video I did around imposter syndrome. For me, imposter syndrome creeps in when I’m in spaces where I don’t consider myself to be experienced enough, educated enough, or well-versed enough to be in the presence of those around me. For years this happened every time I went to a Hay House event and sat at a table with well-known authors, experienced editors, or had scrambled eggs across from the CEO. In those moments, it felt like my resume and credentials flew right out the window and I could have been any random person at that point who ambled in from off the street.
The guy on my TikTok had a different perspective: “That’s not my imposter syndrome. It’s when I charismatically lead people in a direction and feel that I actually don’t know what I’m talking about. The fear [is that] I will let them down.”
Was this true? Would women enter the role as author and always feel like imposters regardless of credentials, skill, or experience because others (and themselves) would tell them that they still hadn’t crossed the invisible finish line?
Would many men enter the role as author because they were accustomed to having to take on roles before they ever felt ready? That they would be willing to claim the title of writer or author, even if they knew they didn’t feel they had the credentials, skill, or experience to authentically do so?
(And, out of curiosity, where do our non-binary and gender expansive friends fall in this belief system? My guess would be it has to do with how they may have been socialized in the gender binary.)
From what I’ve experience, being an author has less to do with our gender identity or the root of our imposter syndrome and more to do with the following:
They had a message to share that they were passionate about.
They desired to help others with their message.
Their viewpoint, story, or experience was unique, but also had a universal thread that connected them to others.
Not having a degree in writing did not make them less of an author. Not having an agent did not make them less of an author. Even using a collaborative writer (ghostwriter) did not make them less of an author.
The quality of their work did not depend on their social media following. The importance of their message had no correlation to their knowledge of grammar. Their title as “author” was theirs to adopt whenever they were ready to own it and commit to getting their book into the world.
If you sell zero books and give them away to your friends and neighbors, you’re an author. (Just listen to Japanese financial all-star, Ken Honda, talk about how he got started). If you sell 1 million books, it doesn’t change your title as author. (Though it will have an impact on your bank account and if Mel Robbins invites you on her podcast.)
The Biggest Barrier to Being an Author
Throughout my experience running my own business, Storyteller Soul LLC, and my partnership with KN Literary Arts, there is only one thing that I see that keeps people from being able to call themselves writers or authors…
They never get their story into the world.
Some claim financial reasons. Some claim that it’s just not “good enough” to publish. Some are scared. Some say the timing isn’t right.
But most often, the reality is that many never finish writing and even more never truly start. Their book ideas live in their minds. Their writing dreams live with each beat of their hearts. But the story they desire to tell never makes it out of their bodies.
That doesn’t have to be you.
Creating Momentum
Whether you think you’re ready or you think you’re not ready, the only thing that can get you to authorhood is forward momentum.
To be a writer you need to write.
To be an author and have a book, you need community and accountability.
To claim the label, you must take action and continue to take action again, and again, and again.
So, dear reader, if any of this resonates with you let me say that I am here to help. I am passionate about supporting others in getting their stories out into the world to create positive change. Your unique view can create a ripple effect for good. But that ripple effect doesn’t start without your movement.
Free Support:
Every Monday and Wednesday from 8:30 am to 9:30 am EST and Thursdays from 11:30 am to 12:30 pm EST on TikTok Live (@JillianAbbyWrites) for a 45-minute writing accountability session. You can see me. I can’t see you. We sit together with sound therapy and write.
Invest in Guidance:
I’m launching a new monthly course with KN Literary Arts called Idea to Outline. Idea-to-Outline Group Coaching is a 4-week intensive for nonfiction writers ready to take their idea and transform it into a clear, compelling hook and outline.
Here's what you'll experience:
Weekly live sessions with an intentionally small group of fellow nonfiction writers
Personalized guidance and insight developed from years of publishing experience
Focus on building the foundation that will make everything else possible
Our first cohort of the Idea-to-Outline Group Coaching program is $549 ($899 value) for all four sessions. The lab starts August 6th at 5 PM Eastern. If this sounds like the right next step, just email info@knliterary.com to get registered. There are only six spots available.
Commit to Finishing:
Set up a one-on-one call with me by emailing Jillian@KNLiterary.com to learn more about the services that our talented and experienced team can provide at each stage in the writing and self-publishing process so that you can wholeheartedly step into the title of AUTHOR.
Hi Jillian. I know this post was written months ago, but I am grateful it found its way to the top of my feed now. Because the universe’s timing always delivers the messages we need to hear, but only once we are ready to listen.
It’s an idea I’ve been struggling with the past few days - who gets to call themselves a writer? What is keeping me from stepping into the role I believe I was created for? Fear. Fear of being seen, of being judged, of being torn down by others who don’t understand why someone would leave the quiet comfort of what they’ve always known, fear of blowing things up and making a mess and all of the effort being for naught.
And then I am reminded there’s a reason my soul speaks within me the way it does - it was meant to be shared. What an affront to the creator who bestowed this desire, and gave me these experiences - some so unfathomable I worry I won’t do them justice with my words - if not for the purpose of making a difference to the one who reads them. How dare we not share our gifts as they were intended and made manifest inside us?
When I was coming out, the phrase that kept arising within me was, “With acceptance, there is peace.” I feel it again now, with writing. It’s an “are you finally willing to stop resisting and let this happen?” moment of reckoning. And what that taught me was that yes, being brave is scary, but it’s the only way to get the life you were meant to have. 💕🏳️🌈