The Bright Side of Living in Dark Times

I am both shaken and stirred

I’m really not trying to Pollyanna out on this one. I get that we are living in. What was our favorite phrase to hate on during COVID? Ah yes… unprecedented times. I wish there was a limit on the amount of “unprecedented times” we’re allowed to experience in a decade, but here we are. Since we’re seemingly becoming experts in dealing with life’s whatthefucks, I would like to point out that I’ve noticed a few positive trends happening lately in my own life since Mr. “We-don’t-want-division-but-also-I-don’t-want-your-kind-to-exist” took over.

Here are just a few of the illuminating moments I’ve had recently in my downtime between yogic breathing, doomscrolling through the news, joyfully ghostwriting for inspiring humans, and tracking a spreadsheet of which countries are offering US citizens asylum or easy visas.

I spend less and save more

There is nothing like an oligarchy and its sub-tier of corporate suck-ups that really remove the joy of spending from my life. Leisurely strolls through Target or Tractor Supply with an iced Starbucks latte in hand are things of the past. In fact, if it is not an absolute immediate need, I am going out of my way to not financially support companies that have cowardly rolled back their DEI programs and/or donate heavily to candidates who violate the tenants of democracy, the Constitution, and US law.

I take my coffee with a side of social justice.

The lack of dopamine hit that I used to get from buying things is gone. In its place I have a more family meals at home and more money in my bank account. This current experience has made me realize how much spending I did on things I thought were “need to haves” but were actually just “neat to haves.” I don’t want it anymore. Keep that energy out of my space.

I treat social media like a gas station bathroom

Get in. Do what you need to do. And get the heck out of there with as little residue on you as possible.

Deleting the apps off my phone and having to go through the website was a huge help in doing that. Instead, I get my news from sources like

Under the Desk News

here on Substack and the paid app (totally worth it) Ground News, which gives news stories with their level of factuality, their political lean, and where you might be having a blindspot in what’s being reported.

And now, with all of this extra free time and excess energy, I’ve learned to crochet.

And now Jen thinks I can fix everything with a crochet stitch.

My friendship circle has increased in quality

I have not grown silent on what I value, what I stand for, and what my hope is for the future. And what we are living in right now isn’t it. The people who value me and see me as an equal human being, worthy of the same rights (as a woman and as a queer person) as white male cisgender Americans have stuck around. Most who don’t “agree with my lifestyle” have shown themselves the door. Like pruning a tree to make it healthier, I am here for it.

There is a different energy now to the people I do interact with. I know that we’re in each other’s lives because we want to see each other thrive, without having to change ourselves or take up less space to be accepted. These are the kinds of relationships of people who have your back, instead of hanger on-ers who stick around just because they think you can do something for them. My circle will never believe that empathy is a sin.

I have more opportunities to practice controlling my emotional energy

This is a strange one, but hear me out. In life, there are so many things outside of our control. There are also so many things that could be taken away. I know from the unprecedented weather events of the past several months across the US, that my home and all of its contents are things that could be taken away from me within hours. I am using this time to cultivate a greater awareness of what is mine and what is within my control.

One of those things is my emotional energy. Clearly, I have not mastered the art of keeping my chill… yet! But each bit of bizarre news and each interaction with a neighbor throwing handfuls of acorns at Jen & I as we go for a stroll (yep… that happened recently), allows me a new opportunity to practice keeping my peace and not giving away my energy to fear or anger.

Be corny, not acorny.

I am grateful for this practice because the reality of this life is that we don’t know where it’s going to take us or what the road ahead is like. I would like to be able to build the skill of controlling my emotional energy and be less bothered and less drained by the happenings around me.

They want you tired and hopeless. It’s a well-documented strategy. But if you have control over your emotional energy and there is almost nothing they can do about it. It may be one of your most effective forms of resistance. Don’t lose energy. Don’t lose hope.

There goes that Chinese parable again

Have you heard the Taoist parable where a farmer keeps having things happen in his life and his neighbor seems to respond to each thing with a judgment of “Oh, how lucky you are!” or “Oh, what terrible fortune!” Each time the farmer responds with “Maybe.” You can read the story here if you’re unfamiliar with it.

The takeaway from that right now is that there are lots of things happening and the truth is that it’s hard to judge if they are really good or bad based on the moment.

For example, I just got my first few one-star reviews on my book, Perfectly Queer, after standing up to some hateful comments directed at the LGBTQ+ community on Facebook. My first inclination was “Oh, how terrible. One star reviews from people who never had any intention of reading my book.” But, maybe it’s not so bad because 1) I have enough 4 & 5 star reviews that they barely shifted by total score and 2) they actually pushed me closer to reaching my goal of 100 reviews on Amazon!

(Do you want to help me reach my goal? Fight back against the haters? Rate it here!)

Some people liked it.

Another example is Elon’s inauguration Nazi salute that drew applause from white Nationalist groups. Awful right? The act itself was awful. But perhaps it wasn’t entirely bad.

The wolf took off his sheep suit. He showed his cards. Perhaps that was the tipping point in some people’s minds to realize what side of history they were on. Perhaps it was the final red flag for some to realize that this wasn’t part of the campaign promise. His actions brought about worldwide condemnation and his portrait was removed from a German museum. His actions brought more reality to what many people have been saying all along. We got a glimpse at more truth and that’s what we need right now.

In conclusion

Maybe we’re united, more closely knit by these experiences in what I like to refer to as The Joy Suck Club. It’s not fun to go through, but it also provides us another opportunity to find the people who want our boat and every other boat to rise, not just the billionaire yachts.

When things feel dark, I remember that I have my own light and I know how to use it!