Is Now a Bad Time to Be Queer?
How the US's political climate affects you living your life.
Dear Queer Abby,
I need some advice. I'm not trying to be political, but obviously, things are changing in the US it’s scary. As members of the LGBTQ+ community, it feels like our rights and safety are at risk more than they have been in the past decade or more.
So here's the thing: I am not fully out of the closet. I am to some close friends, but not to all. I am now terrified of coming out completely, to the point that it makes me want to go back into the closet. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Anonymous in Atlanta
Dear friend,
You have a right to be afraid. You are allowed to feel afraid. And also, please do your best to not allow fear to become your primary energy and driving force. There is no great work that has been done in this world that has been predominantly rooted in fear. In fact, fear is what got us to this current political state. It will not be the tool that gets us out of it.
I’m going to start with some real talk about the current state of affairs and where things could be going. It’s good to have a reality check, both for members of the LGBTQ+ and for our allies and not-yet-allies who may not be tapped into what Trump’s presence in politics means for our community. But I don’t want to focus on that, because the truth is I hope that shows up as side noise for the most important point of your questions—should I live as myself and who I was created to be or should I hide?
Basics of state of affairs
I remember a Republican friend, years back trying to convince me that I should really look at Trump’s policies toward the LGBTQ+ because they were “actually better than Hilary’s.” She assumed that I didn’t bother looking at either candidate, not realizing that I had been raised and registered as a Republic for a good portion of my life. (Yes, me.)
It’s embarrassing to admit that, just like my friend, I had no idea the harm that politicians (primarily Republicans) have brought to the LGBTQ+ community over the decades.
And my friend was incorrect about Trump’s “friendliness” toward the LGBTQ+, but I understood why. She was only hearing the story from their mouths and not those who were living through it. There is a reason why the vast majority of the Black and LGBTQ+ population voted against Trump in this election. We didn’t want to have to go through that experience again.
It’s not just policy. We have statistics on what happened to the LGBTQ+ community since Trump took office in his first Presidency and how his rhetoric and the rhetoric of those he surrounds himself with have encouraged his followers to take matters into their own hands.
In the FBI’s 2023 Annual Report of Hate Crime data, they found that while national violence rates have dropped during the Biden administration, hate crime data against the LGBTQ+ community has reached record-breaking numbers. Additionally, we’ve seen one record-breaking year after the next in the US concerning anti-LGBTQ+ legislation since Trump’s first time in office. Even still, our safety and access to the same freedoms as other Americans didn’t matter enough to half of our country’s voters. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
In My Own Experience
I live in Tampa, a city with a lesbian mayor and two major Pride celebrations (Tampa and St. Petersburg). Since coming out in 2019, I felt relatively safe and welcomed in this space. I have noticed a change in the winds, thanks largely to the harmful language of our Governor, Ron DeSantis and his appointees.
While I am still met with people asking, “But what policy actually harmed you?” or the more common assertion that “Nobody is taking away your rights,” they don’t see or experience what it is like to live as a queer person in what is now one of the worst ranked states for LGBTQ safety.
They don’t see my son coming home from a school where gay is used as a slur, but teachers are afraid to have any conversation about what gay or queer actually mean in a neutral sense of the word.
They don’t hear the inflammatory remarks coming from the two dads next to me as we sit and watch our kids do taekwondo.
They don’t see their businesses, neighborhoods, or artwork defaced by dudes in pickup trucks. Our property being stolen. Our lives being threatened.
They don’t see their friends losing access to healthcare and a place to pee.
They don’t see friends who are panic-stricken over the safety of their child who is now being “outed” by paperwork requirements in the schools. Their children are now in danger just for being who they are.
They don’t see how my family and others have been pushed out of some homeschool spaces, private school spaces, and now public school places. We don’t have the same educational freedoms.
They don’t have protestors showing up in their spaces, dressed in full black with body cams, attempting to intimidate and harass—all while also spewing hate from a book that is meant to teach love. (Oh, if Jesus could see them now!)
They stand by as our population is removed from health classes and history lessons, where our stories are hidden or banned from library shelves, where we can still be discriminated against in housing, employment, and the healthcare we receive because of who we are.
I don’t think most people can really get a sense of what that feels like. To be the country that screams “FREEDOM” at the top of its lungs, while making scapegoats of the minority and convincing the masses that somehow we’re responsible for their life problems.
There is a reason why in this election cycle Republicans invested a record amount of money in propaganda about trans people. They chose an easy target— many people may not realize that they know a trans person. Many people have not studied the history or science to understand what being trans is. And because trans people make up such a tiny percentage of the population— it was a group they could attack and create fears around while knowing that losing the trans vote wouldn’t impact their road to victory.
I wish they could know what that feels like. (And also, I don’t actually wish this feeling on anyone).
But, Here’s the Other Thing
The LGBTQ+ population is incredibly resilient, as they’ve had to be around the world across various decades when homophobia and transphobia would rear their ugly head. On top of that, support for LGBTQ+ people in the US is still significantly greater than it's been at most other times in history.
The majority of Americans know an LGBTQ+ person. The majority of Americans support the right for LGBTQ+ people to marry. Almost half the country supports gender-affirming care for the trans community, which is backed by the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the World Health Organization amongst many others. (It’s not enough people, but it’s far more than we’ve seen in the past).
If you look back on the rapid evolution of LGBTQ+ rights in the US, you’ll see that tremendous strides have been made.
It was not that many decades ago that it was illegal for queer people to dance together in public, to be served alcohol, or to “cross-dress”.
We are no longer considered a security risk by the US government as we were during the Lavender Scare of the 1950s.
Magazines that feature stories about our lives are no longer classified as “obscene content” that USPS refuses to deliver.
Homosexuality and the transgender identity are no longer listed as mental illnesses.
It doesn’t mean that this administration won’t be without its casualties in our community. (It sickens me to even say that). Even still, I’m not sure that there is another decade in US history that I’d like to revert back to when it comes to being an LGBTQ+ person.
My hope is that those who used to support us, continue to do so. I hope that they will continue to fight for our safety and freedom, now in the face of the greatest opposition we’ve faced in quite some time.
What Really Matters
Dear reader, I can’t change this world for you in a major way. I can’t undo what has recently been done. I can’t make people understand what this means for our community and why the vast majority of us voted against these leaders. I can’t make people change their minds, or care, or show up for us.
But I can tell you this…
We choose the body and life we’re born into. It’s here to teach us and help us grow and evolve. Our purpose is to show up as honestly and intentionally as we are able.
We are meant to live as we were so perfectly created to be. Choosing yourself is one of the bravest acts you can do, particularly when it runs counter to the cultural narrative. It’s not easy, but neither is living a lie for the remainder of our existence.
Recognize that you have the power of choice in deciding if it is safe for you to come out. You have the power of choice in deciding who you let in to your truth. Know that the most effective way to change minds and hearts is by letting those around you know you as you are. (After all, “knowing an LGBTQ+ person” was the primary way that people shifted their stance to become pro-marriage equality in the 2000s).
You may come out loudly and choose to organize and resist. Or you may come out quietly and simply to those close few around you. You may not be able to come out in the way you’d ideally like to, but figure out what version of living best celebrates you.
You deserve a chance at your most beautiful life.
