Is LGBTQ+ Allyship Bad for Business?

What to do when you're a Mama Bear and people around you are chanting "Go Woke, Go Broke."

Dear Queer Abby,

What do you think about mixing business with the LGBT? I am a mama bear to a queer child and an ally of the community. When I mentioned this to a new guy in my networking group whom I was considering partnering with for an event, I received immediate energy that was just shy of aggressive but borderline passive-aggressive and judgmental. He used words like, “Well, it’s wrong, but we can set up a 1-1 to discuss how I feel about this,” and “This is wrong but…”.

His response gutted me. I immediately backtracked and placated. “Oh no, don’t worry. My professional side is not mixed with my personal side.” But then I thought about it and I cried. On one hand, I’m in the southeast US in a conservative area. If I want to start my business, perhaps I can’t be THAT transparent. I am going to shoot myself in the foot with potential customers just because they don’t agree with my beliefs.

On the other hand, I WANT to work with open-minded people. I want to create a safe space for everyone to come and build a safe community, no matter race, ethnicity, gender (or none), sexuality, etc… EVERYONE.

By stating that I’m an ally, am I effectively turning some people off to my services? Is my transparency is alienating me from potential business and networking? I could back off, but then I would be stifling my passion and love for my kids and their friends and all other teens and adults who are stifled and alienated because of who they are. Is it true that if you “Go Woke” you will “Go Broke”?

Sincerely,

Mama Bear in Marietta

---

Dear friend,

Wow! It’s almost like I can feel God's love radiating out of that guy. He’s going to be so excited when he gets to Heaven’s gates and meets his version of white Jesus, who will pat him on the back, hand him an American flag and the newest Joel Osteen book, and say, “Thank you for doing my work and judging those LGBTQIA souls… even if God did happen to make them that way and they’re just living the truest, most honest expression of whom they were created to be.”

Oops. Seems I’ve mixed my personal feelings with my business as well. Let’s get this train back on its track because the reality is that you asked an excellent question and one that many businesses have to consider. Should we bring our beliefs into our business? Do we have to separate them? Can there be a balance?

Do Beliefs Belong in Business?

Let’s start with the beliefs that people bring into their business. Religion is probably one of the most common ones we see. Sometimes people bring their political beliefs into business. Sometimes people express their beliefs in being zero-waste, carbon-neutral, or environmentally sustainable.

Bringing beliefs into a business can be a great thing. It can help you find your people. And if you do it thoughtfully, it doesn’t have to necessarily be exclusionary of anyone.

I can go to my Muslim auto mechanic who has a copy of the Quran in his waiting room because that’s important to him. I can stay in an Airbnb that has a picture of the Ten Commandments on the wall because that’s something the Airbnb owner wants to share. I don’t have to read or believe either. They can have their beliefs and have them be a part of their business, without it affecting me as a customer.

It’s a little thing people like to call tolerance.

One hiccup to that approach

Being LGBTQIA is not a belief, though. Just like being Black isn’t a belief. Having a disability isn’t a belief.

Your child being a part of the LGBTQ+ community is who they are. You can have thoughts and opinions about identities, but you don’t get to question if you “believe” they exist, particularly when the people are standing right in front of your face saying “This is a thing!” That’s just a bit absurd.

May I just say that it's awesome and inspiring that you’re a proud mama bear trying to do the best for your child. I wish all parents were supportive and loving toward their LGBTQ+ youth and understood that it’s as much a part of them as their eye color and individual talents. The networking guy’s feelings about whether your child’s identity is right or wrong are not even something that warrant a discussion. His beliefs may be up for debate (but it doesn’t sound like that’s not what he wants the focus of your discussion to be). Your child’s identity is not.

But What About Business?

Let’s look at this from a business perspective. Because my resume doesn't just say "Fabulous Lesbian” and “Curator of sweatpants.” I graduated from Boston University’s business school, became a CPA for a time, and have run several businesses since then. I have more of a background in business than I do in writing. (Hence, a heckaload of grammatical errors and the ability to invent words like heckaload).

One of the most important things for a business is its mission and vision statement. It’s their guiding light. It is the business’s reason for being and what products or services they hope to create or provide. When making an important business decision, your company’s mission and vision should be at the core.

Just another day of waving flags randomly around a table with the boss.

Now, let me re-pluck the words right from your question:

"I WANT to work with open-minded people. I want to create a safe space for everyone to come and build a safe community, no matter race, ethnicity, gender (or none), sexuality, etc… EVERYONE."

Fantastic! This is what comes from your heart. This is your passion and one of your motivating factors. This is what you want your business to be and the direction you see yourself going.

A New Question to Ask

Instead of asking yourself how to operate your business to meet the requirements of this partner, ask yourself this: “Does partnering with this guy align with the mission or vision of your business?”

You can use that question as the Magic 8 ball for any major business decision you must make, really. And I think the answer will be pretty clear. If you stay true to your mission and vision and make them know, your ideal customers and partners will find you.

With that said, does offering an open-minded and welcoming space mean you need to have a Pride flag in the window or let people know openly that you are an ally of the community? No. Not at all. Just by being your wonderful and accepting self, you will create a community within your business that lets people feel welcome.

And you can signal allyship in subtle ways. Being thoughtful in your client paperwork when it comes to gender options, relationship types, and pronouns is one way to demonstrate that commitment.

But consider this…

Allyship versus Advocacy

As parents and entrepreneurs, we wear a lot of hats during the day. The one hat I never take off, though, is “Mom.” My decisions, whether in business or otherwise, are based on creating the best possible present and future for my children. As a later-to-the-party queer person, I have realized how much fear I still have as a grown adult when it comes to going to new medical offices, restaurants, or other places where my orientation may be revealed, and not knowing if I will feel safe in that space. Seeing a small rainbow sticker near the door, on a name tag, or on a sign that lets me know the business is an ally, immediately puts me at ease and makes me more likely to stay loyal to them.

Because feeling unsafe stinks.

I type so fast that I need sweatbands.

My dentist doesn’t need to sponsor a float in the Pride parade or be able to chat about the newest episode of Queer Eye with me during my appointment. But knowing that I can safely reveal that my emergency contact is my same-sex partner or that the person with me is not “my friend” is worth so much. And they get all my dollars.

So, with that said, what kind of world do you want for your child? And how do you see that change happening?

Homophobia thrives in silence. We need brave people to be allies. It doesn’t mean you have to shout your position from the rooftops. (There are passionate advocates who will happily do that). Just be brave enough to say, “You are safe with me.” And once somebody is the first to do just that, it becomes easier and easier for each person thereafter.

Who knows, you may find there are more allies in your conservative community than you initially expected! (And this Harvard Business Review article supports why more national and multinational businesses are now taking a stand for LGBTQ+ equality).

Some Final Thoughts

The reality is that the guy from your networking group will most likely not lose customers for his beliefs about the LGBTQIA. He may keep his homo/transphobia silent to not alienate anyone. Conversely, you may lose some customers by being a known ally of the LGBTQIA. This is the world we still live in.

But the people you lose are most likely not your people. They’re not part of your business vision. Your people WILL find you. They are out there and YOU may be a game-changer in their lives. And your customers will be loyal because of it.

The decision ultimately comes back to you and how you want to run your business. Are you making your decision based on love or based on fear? You get to choose your own adventure and that means realizing that you get to choose not to work with him, not the other way around.

You didn’t lose any power or any business by not having that connection. Your realization gifted you a clearer sense of purpose as to how you want to run things. And while “Go Woke, Go Broke” is a bigotted attempt at Dr. Seuss, it turns out that it really is just a silly rhyme with no teeth after all.

Team Rainbow on Three!

Want more articles that support why allyship in business may be good for you?

Rolling Stone "Companies that go Woke Aren't Going Broke-- They're More Profitable Than Ever"

Yahoo! Finance "What is the Pink Economy or Pink Money?"

Invoice2Go "How Your Business Can Support the LGBTQ+ community and why it's important."

Forbes "Why Allyship is Good for Business"

Hope that helps! Keep shining your beautiful light and pave that path for your child.